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My Father’s Spirit (Part 1)

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My first true experience of the connection with my father would have been in an unconscious state.

But time gave me memories that wouldn’t be forgotten easily.

I remember the joy and scream the house held when you came home weekly.

I can’t forget that it was full of gifts.

I remember our hearts always sparkle from gifts gotten from a task done well.

Those gifts were not cheap.

Our joys were not faked.

I remember how we all felt when you had to work long months,

I remember the trying times,

When investments failed, and the gift was a luxury

I remember how you made the gift a necessity in its luxurious form.

I remember how you ripped yourself apart to still fulfill family wants from both immediate and extended family.

I grew up to understand your sacrifice and believe in the family both far and wide.

I saw the love you had, even in disappointment.

Yes, a good heart always wants the best.

But the world has its way of surprising you because you trusted like you would want anyone to do you.

But your heart felt pain and the world threw it at you.

But with a smile, and a shout of joy, accompanied by the hope of a better day was your expression.

I have never seen a man lived the way you perceived life.

When others think you were broken,

you got up hungry with the plan for the future.

how well it looked in your head, that perfect picture painted gave birth to me.

I became a dreamer

This dream I now must see through

This dream we only just began to feel

This dream we started to see it’s reality

I had a dream, and I told you

We stood up high looking at your dream in all its practice realization

But you were frail and had to be carried on our shoulders to see the result of your dreams

but I missed the interpretation,

I perceived your human form will see your desires come to pass, and your frailty was you living to a good old age

But it was your spirit.





There was a “MOOD” filled with pleasant thoughts of YOU. In a season, now ended. This end still can’t be defined because there was a time the feeling was thought ENDLESS.

I remember a season I could live all day with your thoughts taking over my mood.

I remember when time will stop and feelings always leave you with appreciation just perceived by the gaze in your eyes. The moods where trusting and hopes were defined by the thought that YOU were true with every single breath.

I remember the feeling I got when you gave me a selfless gift, from a heart not influenced by hate or anger. This time piece I planned to hold close awhile but has to be returned.

The “FEELINGS”, now misplaced and sometimes filled with wishful thoughts to go back in time, in hope for a pleasant season to stop all fowl intended moods. Now seasonal, these search for a time you knew you should have gone with your guts, and listened to the voice in your head, but you choose to be head strong and defensive.

I remember the mood of silence you had when you kept everything in, that point you got to when you were really upset. I know the mood you get when your annoyance needed expression, those where the season of hope.

I remember those seasons of complete silence, at this point, there was no going back, and chances slim.

I remember time will be a factor I hate, because I thought I will have a lifetime. But here I am in high dudgeon.

Oh! “TIME” when given a moment to recap, the realization that a new presence has been created, the effect of evolution. These truth we find through time with the handicap nature it presents when we wallow in wishful thinking.

I remember the season your trust dwindled.

I remember the feeling of disappointment I felt, when I realized that you saw no possibility of a lifetime. I know how I felt when I knew there was nothing to work for.

I remember the mood I got when I was so sure telling you all without thinking was the best way to be transparent. I still know the mood that was set when I became reserved and talked less. These seasons, now created a line drawn, this thin line is intertwined now with doubt.

Now a “SEASON” has come, when hopes is trapped in egoistic concept created out of pride, and fueled in justification. Little actions, like not listening and understanding got us here. Too much assumption and insecurities has created a feeling of doubt, trust has gone with the wind because we fail to explain to ourselves how important this is…

I remember when you spoke in confidence.

I remember when you trusted me too close for comfort.

I remember how it felt in a season of complete hope.

I recall how Sadness developed in the present realization, only when selfish desires clouded vision on a daily.

These times are not better, these times have left me no good, these times are full of anger as to who I have become, and the time has only been of resentment and self-pity.

This time I feel should end, and no time allowed for such seasons anymore because, this mood is too difficult to get off, and the feeling sore.

But now this season has created a complete feeling of hurt and not a thought that is pleasant. Then I stop to think, why? I realize that as people get older, they protect themselves against painful experiences by closing themselves off. The price for this is they grow rigid, physically and mentally. This reaction can take a positive or negative turn.

When we play down how we feel, let it be known that the likelihood to give into the boiling point, stands at a high percentage. This is a place no joy can be found. When we speak at point hurt, we lose control of ourselves. The key is in the mind. To work out our situation is to do this with love. However difficult we think this is, we ask ourselves how we can be in a place filled with DUDGEON, and an expression of love is demanded. This can be done when we selflessly recuse ourselves from ourselves.

I once knew of a book that was wiser than wisdom. It came in handy when the king of kings played the role of love. This is the clearest explanation life’s situation can be analyzed. To react in love at all time can only lead to a positive reaction.


This book also made for an understanding that the balance of life’s emotions can be seen through the eyes of children. Children are by nature unprotected and open to experience, and this receptiveness is extremely attractive. In the presence of children we become less rigid, always infected with their openness


I remember time, seasons, feelings and mood, and all I can think of is, relationship can be better if only we just believe in the bond  built in friendship, not the idea we all create up in our head.

The selfish suspicion created by past ideas sometimes get the better part of us and it takes over us, so trying to make it not work becomes an idea.

I will close this chapters. I will pat-down my mood, I will create a feeling of warmth to welcome a time for only a season of love, because after all, that is the only thing we started on, and took away.



The perception of a wicked man is all I can see, I myself am beginning to believe through the eyes of those who stare at me. The judgement rendered gaze of related story brings to the present, an undeniable factor which has left humans a believer of the tale. This detail all summed up at gaze.

This tale spoken from the heart of a bitter and confused man. a man who can’t explain the odds against him, the man still searching for answers, this tale will reveal the heart of men, the thought of possibility, the “I said it”, the “I knew it” the concurring, the looks that can’t be hidden even if we try. That look of judgement, the look of wanting to hear your own side of the story, but first judge and narrator has taken precedent, now the place of the one unheard has no favour. I myself will fall victim, if I was been told the story. This tongue has spoken no lie. The tongue is innocent of the fact that the world will always remain the same whether a victim or a prey searcher.

There are always two sides to every tale, but one truth. We come to a point in our lives; the truth might be hidden under sun, but to be strong is to see an opportunity to tarnish an image and yet stay silent. To be justified is to go ahead and explain away and always. To be the evil angel is to strengthen the weak footed, to play odds and project ahead, to show the feeble minded their strength, to show that there is peace in having your own. Above all, to answer no question and to keep silent victory as no words, and cries in strength not in prosecution.

Today’s feasting and breaking of bread might not have value the way a soldier might truce with an enemy in days past, when words spoken can be a bond. Today the look can be the yellow eyes of the eagle, that smile of the joker or the back pat of the serpent.

The wonder of what the truth is can leave us hopeless, but the truth is, no love, no bond, life needed to change a constant and agreeable phenomenon. This was enough and time was right. Equipped with a cause, true colours had to be shown, forgotten glory to hold no weight. All the eyes now see is the tale of a weeping man, a man so hurt reason has been forgotten. For like minds will escalate the truth, and avenues to dislike and dis-link will find footing.

But some hearts will read in between lines, some will create battles lines. But the truth be told, this truces will have its shallow base. Deep waters we know can’t be swept under. Hearts will forever hold what it is designed to hold. Imprint will educate and dictate the next course of action. The fuel of injustice has created its hold and matters will always arise.

The sorrier will be in words just spoken and forgotten and if I have done all things right from the day of my creation, and I was a man known for peace at its highest order and have not an enemy in my life time, then humans I would have believed have evolved to angels. For when I was young, my understanding of revenge was as simple as the Sunday school proverbs that hid behind neat little morality slogans like “do unto others” and “two wrongs don’t make a right”. But two wrongs can’t make a right because two wrongs can never equal each other, for the truly wronged, real satisfaction can only be found in one of two places ABSOLUTE FORGIVENESS or MORTAL VINDICATION.

Speaking plainly and freely, “make up your mind and shut the F**K UP” for silent stare in judgement are for pussy and overworked heart always tell the story in mortality. So get a hold of yourself and man the puzzle up to me in morality.

For in answers you will get none, so forgiveness becomes your best bet.


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A man who creates the chance for possibility lacks trust.

This is in turn a perceptic possibility.

For the chance for possibility blinds us from the truth, and sometimes so does trust. For trust in the hands of an enemy is fatal, and the chance for possibility in the hands of the victim is confusion, trust denied, because trust is given to no one and enemies are made in friends.


So be careful, be wise and have God.

For in him all is possible and trust is love.



 For within this message of salvation the intertwining effect of doom, comes the story of a life time. For one message will be shared and in it holds life and death. For this lessons have to be learnt, that there are two sides to everything, and the possibility of death will come by actual death, and that of life, the evidence of the living. And free will is a gift nothing existing can take.

For a story will always carry different meaning, because people are not the same, and the idea of perception put us on a bridge, from hearts to mind. For we are all examples, willed together to create the balance between GOOD and EVIL, with a compelling force of both.

God created MAN with the power to disobey, for the freedom to obey would be nothing at all without the corresponding freedom to disobey. The eyes the window, the ears the door knob, zooming in curiosity without patience and understanding, the tongue can lead the mouth into wrong prophecy. But the truth be told, if I speak life and you see death, all that will be will be.

For the heart always runs towards its direction.

The physical, the spiritual, the LOGOS, the RHEMA, the birth, the end, the first, the last, all come from all its direction towards a definite end.

Salvation is personal, and life and death has been put before us, with an instruction to choose life, but a duty is here for the king of the world, with an instrument of fear and deceit to take from us our free will, and to make ends meet by pacing the earth, TO and FRO, seeking who to devour, which makes the matter as clear as life itself, only to the wise.




Bitterness and Hate, Shame and Disgrace, Pride and Un-forgiveness. Starts at the heart but a little, then magnify in thoughts. This creates the distance between the smile of a brother and the gentle hug of his sister.

The soft words of sweet experiences, told the tale by both to a stranger as me. Spoken, never to be spoken of or to.

Father’s quarrel with son, and Mothers caught in between. Heartbreaks are undefine, all because blame is apportioned to all but self. Where is my fault in all of the matter? All the time I wonder.


Years will go by, and one will be ashamed to speak of the cause of this distance. People will wonder where the smiles and hugs go.

With more days will come the difficulty in picking up the phone to say your helloes and sorry. Nephew and nieces names you will miss, grandchildren you will never meet, and when an important life event will occur, which will give a chance to reunite, Will pride stop one of the erring parties to show up?

Hate and bitterness will set in to encourage the mind to apportion its blame, Which will strengthen un-forgiveness.

And as silences go deep, so does all the wonderful memories fade into shame and disgrace.

All because of the little things we did or didn’t do. But for a wise man, it is important to know that a great book always says




For through faith in one another, the hope of love is unconditional.

Now you know why mothers are CAUGHT in between.


It was golden, it was a method. We saw it, the place of GOLD was not that far.

We believed a few, we should have been strong. I almost felt it, with the storm SHOUT of music. But then, we crushed and burnt.


Because some hearts focused on the wrong things, Some hearts felt distrust. Some hearts feared, Some hearts were selfish. So HOPE seen UNCLEAR, and fate was unkind.

Broken down fires couldn’t be sparked, even with all the effort, Which seemed like none at all.

But then with shatters comes bacon, In death, life can continue. With a light, a little spark will IGNITE the RAPTALISMAN.

And in the sound of hope, from the MUSIC NERD, comes a voice heard aloud. The GOOD SON, ROGUE SON will begin, and otheli will smile, for all was just a refine.




Something knew it was a tragedy not to say hi.

Something also knew I was selfish.

This heart was to be left alone, UNHURT.

This heart was too good to pass BY.

This heart has battled, ever since first sight, to first kiss.

Now at first kiss, comes revelation.

A worried heart he carries.

A broken heart she will hold.

 The revelation of the future is clear enough to create a HAZE.

  Two hearts will genuinely wait to hope in hopelessness.

Two dreamers, dreaming sweet, but are awakened from a nightmare.

Still thoughts of kisses, are a ticket to wonderland.

Beauty not seen, is hunger intense.

At eye shut, the mind wonders to your hugs.

But just then, in wish-dom, sense thoughts begins to raise pulse, and blood pressure elevate.

Creating a clear idea of both worlds, and she losing everything including the innocence Sent with her from God.

All for the wrong purpose, buried in selfishness, and lost after the flesh.

FEB 19



The race was with millions, I became victorious.
I spent 32 years wondering WHO I AM.
I didn’t come here to wonder,
I didn’t gain victory to sit in misery.
I got my win for a purpose,
This game I now call “I WIN”.

so when the imprints of life’s factors,
what direction is my purpose?
will it cause me to smile or lose focus?

Born into a world as confused as everyone else who found answers,
I have struggled just as everyone else.
I have envied those, who’s goal fulfilment I have witnessed.
A right heart I can say for sure I have,
But I am pretty doubtful if some will see.

But even the MESSIAH was not seen by some, in all his light.
So I stopped.
Because this is natural, not resentful, but in hope.
That I will find my light, in about a million eyes.

So daily i learn about the world and the people in it.
Some USERS, some CLINGERS, if there is a word like that.
Some here to BACKBITE properly,
But in all FRIENDSHIP.
Be rest assured that perception is everything.
For here lies INNER PEACE.
For in this lair, is the story of a life time.

So in smiling, I shall, A BIG GRIN.
Nothing can go wrong with a smile.
In my feeling good, my world will hold meaning.
In the adventure of love with a woman,
I will be patience to understand true Beauty and praise it to the fullest.
In hurty words to my brothers,
I will learn how to hold TONGUE.
In pills, I will take a chill when it comes to policies of Anger.
In memories, I will search for higher planes.
In definition, I have chosen MYSELF,
self LIMITATIONS has to end,
Development has to be Achieved.
So I am setting myself free.
Done with the world of dreams, because only babies do.
A time to dream and a time to live the dream.
So in hope I have come to a realization, upon reflection,
it was in retrospect that a man who creates Multiple chance for impossibility,
live a life playing SUDSER.

Above all, I will subject all emotions to love unconditionally,
the unreliable nature of my countries lighting System,
I will appreciate (BLACKOUT).

For daily I will search for beacon,
The race towards hope I will pick up speed,
so the QUEST for true definition of who I am,
will show in my daily commitment to living life,
in happiness and truth and all that I hold,
in my mind eyes will be all that little me saw
in the race for the EGG.

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